A Lesson In Irony
by Mellifluence
Summary: Red Messenger, meet Blue Messenger. ...This isn't going to end well. / First in the '10 Moments' series. (Complete)
1. Part 1 of 2

(cross-posted in Lunar Annals, under my alternate penname Miss_Tofu =D)

**#1 in the [10 Moments] series:**_  
Ten different scenarios, ten different women - ten different ways for Jae Shin to love again. Told in ten self-standing short stories._

**Title: A Lesson in Irony  
Genre: (Pre)romance, Humour (Post-Drama)  
Characters: Jae Shin, OFC (Original Female Character)  
Words: 1595  
Summary: Red Messenger, meet Blue Messenger. -This isn't going to end well.  
-**_Inspired by __the closing scenes in Ep. 20. (Part 1 of 2.)_

Warning: This fic may contain large quantities of CRACK. To be read with a grain of salt. You have been warned.

**o.o0o.o**

Moon Jae Shin, heir of the House of Moon, Commander of the Royal Defence Guard and High Official of Joseon, was _**not**_ having a good night.

"Sir! It's the Blue Messenger again, sir!" Panting from exertion, Fourth Seat Officer Dong burst through the door into his Commander's office.

Jae Shin swore under his breath.

…_Not __**again**__._

Face thunderous, Commander Moon dismissed his subordinate, tossed the accounts he was perusing on top of the mountain of paperwork on his desk, and stalked out of the room.

Barely days after he'd reluctantly taken up this glorified guard-dog position upon the King's request, a new masked rogue had decided to make an appearance, styling himself as the so-called 'Blue Messenger'. At first, the people had been terrified, fearing the killing and looting that had come with his predecessor, but very soon it'd become apparent that this new nocturnal champion was really quite harmless. His notes – all written on _blue _paper, of course – were more droll than ominous, the style and penmanship an interesting blend of naivety and caustic wit. It seemed like something that Yeorim, in one of his particularly mischievous moods, would write, and the notes were surprisingly insightful despite the flippant tones. The people loved it, of course – but to Jae Shin, whose job was to root out such insurgents and disturbers of the peace, the elusive man was the bane of his existence and an utter pain-in-the-ass.

Back in his day, it had been bow and arrows. But apparently times had changed, and now would-be heroes with delusions of grandeur were using bloody Qing _fireworks _to spread their messages. Just last week, the whole Defence Force had to be woken up in order to prevent a national disaster when one stray cracker had set fire to a thatched roof in Banchon and almost burnt down half the village.

Yes, 'harmless' or not, this Blue Messenger had to be stopped.

Now out in the cool autumn night's air, Jae Shin immediately hit the rooftops. From his elevated post, he could see his underlings racing madly down in the streets below, but Jae Shin knew that was no way to catch a Messenger – Red, Blue or rainbow-coloured.

…It took one to know one, after all.

Soundlessly, he leapt from roof to roof, his sharp eyes seeing everything and missing nothing. For the past few weeks, the dratted rogue had somehow always managed to slip through his fingers, but not this time.

This time, he was in luck.

_There._

A flash of black in the alleyway one street over.

Jae Shin smiled.

_Gotcha._

Before his prey even realised it was being hunted, Jae Shin had already rolled silently onto the dusty street, grabbing the man in an iron-armed grip. Immediately, the Blue Messenger jerked in alarm, but his cry of surprise was muffled by Jae Shin's large hand clamped around his mouth.

"Blue Messenger," Jae Shin said. "You are under arrest for attempted arson, sedition and disturbance of the national peace."

There was a period of struggle on the criminal's part, but truthfully, the fight was so unmatched that Jae Shin didn't even know why he bothered. The man was a midget, barely taller than a pubescent boy, and so slight-of-figure than Jae Shin's arms curled easily around them both when the man's back was pulled flush against his chest.

"Who are you?" Jae Shin demanded, but the rogue stayed stubbornly silent, continuing to wriggle around desperately while attempting to kick Jae Shin in the shins.

"Tell me!"

More silence, and this time he actually managed to land a lucky kick.

Jae Shin gritted his teeth, fast losing what little patience he had. With a forceful hand, he yanked the man's mask down…

-and gaped, as the troublemaker's flushed face was revealed in the blue-grey light of the moon.

…It wasn't a man.

It wasn't even a _**boy**_.

"Wha—" Jae Shin sputtered, staring down in astonishment at the scowling face of a pretty young woman, barely out of girlhood. Immediately, he released his impromptu embrace, keeping only a firm grip around the collar at the scruff of her neck. "…Isn't it past your bedtime, kid?"

Sharp brown eyes flashed defiantly beneath arched brows. "I'll have you know, I'm fifteen!"

Jae Shin's mouth quirked, despite himself. "…So you _can_ talk."

The girl sniffed, turning up her button nose in obvious disdain. "I happen to be very selective about the people I choose to hold conversations with," she replied loftily, somehow managing to look down her nose at him even though the top of her head barely came up to his chest. It would have been truly impressive feat had the effect not been so comical.

'You—" he began, torn between laughter and irritation at this glib impertinence. "Didn't your father teach you to respect your elders?"

"My _father_ taught me that respect needs to be earned," she quipped back, without missing a beat.

"And does your father know that you're running about in the middle of the night setting fire to rooftops?"

"That- That was an accident! It happened only once – _once_, alright?" The girl pouted, before muttering under her breath, "Honestly, you make _one_ mistake…"

Jae Shin sighed. "…Just who the hell are you, anyway?"

The girl shot him a nonplussed look. "…Well," she replied slowly, as if she was talking to a child half her age. "It kind of defeats the purpose of this whole get-up if I told you, wouldn't it?"

Jae Shin glared. There was only so much cheek from this troublesome brat he could take. "Which is what? Playing dress up as the Red Messenger?"

"Are you colour-blind?" his captive cried, thrusting the scrap of paper in her hand at his nose and waving it around emphatically. "This is blue. BLUE! I'm the Blue Messenger, obviously."

She tossed her head nonchalantly. "The Red Messenger meant well, I suppose, when he wasn't rampaging around killing people back in the day – but he was a hypocrite, so I'm fixing that."

"Wait, what do you mean, a hypocrite?" It had been a year since he'd last taken up the mantle of the masked vigilant, but old habits died hard and Jae Shin had never taken well to criticism - least of all from little girls who made his night job a living hell.

The girl blinked, completely unaware of the fact that she was speaking to the man himself. "You didn't notice? He ran around proclaiming equality and justice, but it was always 'man' this, 'man' that in his notes - what about women, huh? What about our rights?" she screeched, getting more and more impassioned by the minute. Jae Shin winced, tilting his head away to give what reprieve he could to his poor, abused ears. She was loud enough to wake the dead. "Since he's not going to champion that, someone has to do it."

"…That 'someone' being you."

The girl puffed her chest out, grinning proudly. "That's right."

Jae Shin was not impressed. "…You, girl," he growled dangerously, "are in a lot of trouble."

The tone of voice that usually left his subordinates quaking in their boots only rolled off the girl like water off a duck's back. "Not if you let me go, right?" she asked sweetly, batting her eyes. Clearing his throat, Jae Shin quickly looked away, even as the girl lowered her voice conspiratorially, "…This can be our little secret."

She tried to wriggle away again, but Jae Shin would have none of it. Gripping onto her collar more firmly, he shook her as a mother cat would a particularly naughty kitten. "…Not so fast."

The girl squeaked in protest as he snatched the slip of paper from her grasp, shaking it out with one hand to hold up to the moonlight.

"_You say cerulean jade should be locked in silence deep; yet, on blue poem-slips, I shall write as I please'_," he read aloud, before screwing the note up in mock-disgust. "What is this? Did you write this?"

The girl rolled her eyes, finally giving up on escape as she stilled, folding her arms petulantly. "Well, poetry doesn't exactly write itself, does it?"

His lips curled. "…You call this crap 'poetry'?"

"Like you could do any better!"

Jae Shin smirked, suddenly finding the situation inexplicably ironic. "As a matter of fact—"

"—It's irony, idiot! Dramatic irony!" the girl yelled, rudely cutting him off. It seemed as though his unsympathetic words had wounded her young and tender pride. She tossed her head again, giving him a contemptuous once-over before returning him smirk-for-smirk. "But I suppose you aren't… _developed _enough to understand it."

"Wha—" Jae Shin gaped. _The gall of this- this annoying little runt!_ So taken aback was he that he momentarily slackened his grip, accidentally releasing her in his shock.

The girl wasted no time taking advantage of this unexpected opportunity. Quick-as-lightening, she raced out of reach, only turning around to stick her tongue at him when she was halfway down the street.

"HEY!" Jae Shin yelled, but knowing that it was already too late. The Blue Messenger was no fighter, but _great ancestors_, was she fast. "YOU GET BACK HERE!"

The girl laughed – an impish, carefree sound that rang through the still night air like silver bells. "Not likely!"

At the end of the street, she suddenly stopped.

"I like you," she announced matter-of-factly, tossing the words over her shoulder. "You're interesting – even if you can't appreciate _good_ poetry. Next time we meet, I'll write something just for you, alright?"

Smiling almost… _flirtatiously_, suddenly looking very much her fifteen years, she blew the astounded Jae Shin a playful kiss. "Something… _simple_."

With that said, the girl disappeared into the darkness, leaving a thoroughly exasperated, blushing Jae Shin – the heir of the House of Moon, Commander of the Royal Defence Guard and High Official of Joseon – with an utterly unexpected case of the hiccups.

**[Finis]**

**o.o0o.o**

_**Author's Note:**_

…_Well, I did warn you. XD _

_To justify Jae Shin's absence of mad, indiscriminate hiccupping here, well, for one, all those months in close proximity with Yoon Hee ought to have desensitized him a bit, and even if it didn't, this girl is fifteen. In some countries, that's not even legal. XD (Hey, I did say this was a PRE-romance. I'll say Jae Shin is… twenty-two, twenty-three at this stage?)_

_My theory about Jae Shin's hiccupping is that it is very much a psychological problem. Anything overtly feminine will probably set him off. However, this little lady is a bit of a brat, and very tomboyish, so Jae Shin sees her as little more than a kid… until she starts to flirt with him. XP LOL. The poor boy._

_Historically speaking, Joseon women weren't even let out much. But if Hyo Eun could run around wrecking havoc in the SKKS-world, then why not this girl? Give an intelligent, wilful girl an indulgent father, money to spare, and a whole lot of boredom (I'm thinking someone of a similar social status as Yong Ha)… and voila! Blue Messenger is born._

_OC based on Misao __of 'Rurouni Kenshin'. I'm imagining someone who looks like Hebe Tian__ in my head._

_**Historical Note:**_

_The line "You say that cerulean jade should be locked in silence deep; yet, on blue poem-slips, I shall write as I please" is not mine. It is an adaptation of a line from a famous poem 'Sending Old Poems to Yuan Zhen' by Xue Tao: __"Women like Green Jade have long been kept hidden in secret depths. / And yet, I always write as I please, on my scarlet poem-slips." [N/B: "Green Jade" represents the dutiful Confucian woman:]_


	2. Part 2 of 2

**Title: Practice Makes Perfect  
Genre: Romance, Humour (Post-Drama)  
Characters: Jae Shin, OFC (Original Female Character)  
Words: 1908  
Summary: The Red Messenger and the Blue Messenger – in a **_**very**_** tight spot.  
**_- The mother of all clichés, for your (crack) reading pleasure. (Part 2 of 2.)_

**o.o0o.o**

_"This way! Capture them!"_

As he raced along the darkened streets of Hanseong with a band of soldiers fast on his heels, Moon Jae Shin was hit with a distinct sense of déjà vu. But this time, it wasn't _him_ who had done anything to merit the chase. In fact, Jae Shin hadn't done anything remotely illegal for the three years he'd been Commander of the Royal Defence Guard.

Nope. Not even a little.

…...Except, perhaps, aiding and abetting a certain Blue Messenger – a Blue Messenger who was currently speeding along like a particularly diminutive shadow by his side.

Jae Shin sighed. "…Do I even want to know why you were graffiting the gates of the Ju House with _'Is it any wonder Ju Dae Mo's an unmitigated ass? Compared to his mother, even a baboon has class!'_?"

His pint-sized companion sniffed. Even at eighteen, she was still no taller than she'd been when they first met - or any less troublesome, for that matter. But somewhere along the line, Jae Shin's half-hearted attempts to capture the little pain-in-the-ass had turned into the full-time job of making sure that the Blue Messenger – otherwise known as Hwang Eun Mi, the clever only daughter of Merchant Hwang – didn't get herself captured by the hundreds of angry victims of her many 'grand causes'.

"I wrote nothing but the truth," she declared proudly. "That—that _absolute cad_ of a man and his snooty high-and-mighty mother had the nerve to break off his engagement with the young Lady Nae just because they found out her family had bought their _yang-ban_ status!" Even through her panting breaths, the outrage and righteous anger in her voice was obvious. "And to think, he actually promised that he'll 'love her forever'. _Asshole_!"

"…Under Joseon law, the Ju House does have the right to do that," Jae Shin pointed out, ignoring the thoroughly unladylike language that would have made lesser men flinch. "And it isn't as if the Naes are completely innocent either, being deceptive themselves."

If looks could kill, then the glare that Eun Mi levelled at Jae Shin would have wiped out a small village. "Hey, they didn't have a choice!" she argued. "It's not their fault they weren't born _yang-ban_ – and besides, what's so amazing about being noble anyway? Merchants can have class, too, you know!"

Gesturing at herself, she turned up her nose in true Hwang Eun Mi fashion. "Take me, for example. I'm _very_ classy."

Very deliberately, Jae Shin turned away, trying hard not to laugh. Luckily for him, Eun Mi was too caught up in her rant to notice. "I mean, my father bought our _yang-ban_ status, too… and your father doesn't disapprove of _me_, right?"

Jae Shin opened his mouth to correct her, but then shut it again, thinking better of it. Technically, Minister Moon didn't exactly _approve_ either, but he hadn't kicked up too much of a fuss after he'd found out about their budding relationship. In fact, he was probably just relieved that Jae Shin was finally showing some healthy interest in females _at all_. When Jae Shin announced his intention to take Hwang Eun Mi as his bride only days before, years of experience of going toe-to-toe with his stubborn son (to little avail) had forced Minister Moon to give his reluctant assent. Of course, he would have been happier with a more blue-blooded match, but Eun Mi could be quite charming when she wanted to be. (…The fact that the Hwang were the richest and most powerful jade merchant clan in the country, and that Eun Mi's dowry was worth the price of a small island, hadn't hurt either.)

The footsteps of the angry Ju guards were getting louder. Jae Shin groaned, rolling his eyes heavenward.

"I'm the Commander of the Royal Defence Guard! I should be arresting you for defacement of property – _all forty-six counts of it_ – plus a whole multitude of other crimes and it'll be no less than you deserve," he grumbled under his breath. "And yet… why do I always find myself getting your skinny ass out of these ridiculous messes?"

Eun Mi batted her eyes, simpering cutely. "Because you're _passionately_ in love with me and you couldn't bear to see this _adorable_ skinny ass be thrown into some icky jail cell, of course."

Jae Shin scoffed.

"…If you keep spouting such delusional crap," he retorted, "It'll become a habit."

Eun Mi merely smiled, deliberately wriggling the fingers of the hand tightly grasped in his. It was proof enough that his barbed words were all empty blustering. "…_Chagiya_, I think you and I both know you're just in denial."

The convenient gap and perfect hiding place Jae Shin spotted in the walls of the Ju stables saved him from protesting further – although secretly, he knew she was right. (…Not that he'd ever admit to that, of course.)

Yanking Eun Mi by the hand, he all but pushed her under the floorboards. "—Just shut up and get in here!"

**o.o0o.o**

...Unfortunately, it was only _after_ the pair had squeezed themselves in a tumble of tangled limbs into the tiny space behind the stable's haystack that Jae Shin realised this was a _very, very_ Bad Idea.

Before he knew it, the formidable Commander found himself sprawled over his petite and very female companion, his face nestled in her hair and her little hand flat on his bare chest where the flap of his _doh poh_ had fallen open. With his body pressed tightly against hers, her modest curves were painfully obvious to him, and suddenly Jae Shin found he couldn't think at all.

Her gasping breath on the sensitive spot of his neck sent a flood of warmth rushing through him, and the skin beneath her palm felt like it was on fire. Frozen, panicked and utterly helpless to the sudden rush of twenty-six years of repressed hormones, Jae Shin could only wait for her to register the inappropriate place where her hand was resting and rectify the situation on her own. But when Eun Mi made no move to shift her hand, distantly, Jae Shin heard the fast-shrinking rational voice in his head pipe up.

'…Moon Jae Shin, m'boy, you are officially _screwed_.'

Jae Shin swallowed. Hard.

The night air, once comfortably warm, now felt thick and cloying. Weak slivers of moonlight shone through the gaps in the wooden boards, splashing over the delicate white arch of Eun Mi's collarbone and the flushed pink of her cheeks. Helplessly, he found his eyes being drawn to the cupid's bow of her parted mouth, so close that he only needed to dip down a bare breath for their lips to meet.

…Had her lips always looked this soft, or this tempting?

Unnerved at the direction his thoughts were taking him, he barely registered the sound of his hiccup over the deafening hammering of his heart.

"What was that?" a guard suddenly asked, and Jae Shin cursed his embarrassing knee-jerk reflex that only ever made its appearance when he was near a woman. The footsteps sounded nearer, stepping close enough that Jae Shin could reach out and grab the man's leg if he'd tried, and he realised with a growing horror from the familiar welling up of pressure in his chest that it was going to happen again and there was absolutely nothing he could do – he couldn't stop it if he tried-

-Until Eun Mi reached up with her free hand, entwined her fingers around the thick locks at the nape of his neck, and pressed her lips to his.

The urge to hiccup instantly disappeared in the face of this shocking development.

Utterly flummoxed, Jae Shin could only freeze for several long seconds before his body took over his mind and then his lips were brushing more firmly over hers, meeting her in the kiss.

_Warmth, softness, the elusive taste of peaches._

Jae Shin felt, rather than saw, Eun Mi smile, before she tightened her grip on his hair, and pulled him even closer, their pounding hearts beating in sync.

...Neither of them noticed when their pursuers left.

**o.o0o.o  
**

It was only the need for air that broke the couple apart, and, chest still heaving, Jae Shin stared down at Eun Mi with wide, dilated eyes.

_He'd just kissed a girl.  
_

_He'd just kissed __**Eun Mi**__.  
_

…_He was still __**on**__ Eun Mi._

Forgetting his surroundings in his panicked haste to get off said girl, Jae Shin hurriedly tried to sit up-

-and promptly banged his head on the low and incredibly unforgiving wooden boards above him.

_**For the love of—**_

Swearing loudly, he wriggled back and out, fiercely rubbing at his throbbing head, while Eun Mi only dissolved into peals of giggles, her thin frame shaking with the force of her laughter.

Jae Shin glared. The girl was deriving far too much amusement at his expense for his liking.

"…Well, thank goodness the guards weren't here to hear that," she finally managed, as she followed him out moments after, still laughing.

Jae Shin folded his arms, too embarrassed to meet her eyes. With his peripheral vision, he watched as Eun Mi brushed herself off, and then tapped at her lips thoughtfully.

"Funny," she confessed. "You wouldn't believe how long I've daydreamed about doing that."

Jae Shin whipped around, bug-eyed.

But Eun Mi just sighed, shaking her head a little as she rambled on in the same offhanded fashion,  
"It's a shame that reality was so disappointing, though. I mean, you'd think that a man like you would have better technique than a merchant's son, but… I guess not."

A beat of shocked silence, and then…

"—W-WHAT? THAT'S—" Jae Shin exploded, before his eyes narrowed dangerously. "…And how would _you_ know how a merchant's son kissed, huh?"

Eun Mi rolled her eyes. "Honestly, you can't expect 'that' back there to be my first kiss," she scoffed. "…I was almost sixteen when I met you, you know – and before that… well, I've always been a _very _curious girl."

"…Don't worry, though," she added brightly. "They were just a couple of meaningless kisses. My virtue is still fully intact for our wedding night!"

Mind carefully blank, Jae Shin said nothing, struggling to think safe thoughts. That was too much information for his brain to handle.

"Besides," the shameless girl continued. "First kisses are overrated, anyway." She shot him a nonplussed look. "What, was that _yours_?"

Taking his gape-mouthed goldfish expression as affirmation, Eun Mi smirked. "…Huh," she said thoughtfully, before shrugging it off. "Well, can't say I'm surprised."

Male pride thoroughly trampled in the dirt by this stage, Jae Shin could only sputter at his betrothed, unable to produce actual words. But Eun Mi only heaved another dramatic sigh, completely ignoring his outraged reaction.

"…Oh well, it can't be helped," she said in long-suffering tones. "Since you've still got heaps of room for improvement, we're going to have to create… _opportunities_ for you to practice."

The sputters died an instant death in Jae Shin's throat.

Eun Mi smiled mischievously, and there was something in her sly, knowing expression that bore an uncanny resemblance to Yeorim at his flirtatious best. "With me. A _**lot**_."

That said, she skipped off merrily down the street, her long braid swishing enthusiastically with every bouncing step.

Still momentarily frozen in place, Jae Shin could only watch her go, his poor brain trying to process the events of the last ten minutes. As his eyes followed her retreating back, a small smile gradually spread over his lips.

_…Practice, huh?_

He could handle that.

**[Finis]**

**o.o0o.o**

_**Author's Note:  
**_

…_If that's not crack fan-service enough for you then I don't know what is. XD  
_

_So I was re-watching Ep 20 again, and after seeing all the cutesy kisses shared between Sun Joon and Yoon Hee, I figured, Jae Shin really needed some lip exercise of his own. Unfortunately, the more serious 10 Moments #3 that I was in the process of writing wasn't going to quite deliver that.  
_

_Now, you know and I know that Jae Shin is probably more hopeless than Garang in the female-aversion department, and he'd never get around to kissing a girl if left to his own devices. On the other hand, the bold and daring Blue Messenger would have no problems in taking the initiative, right? _

_With the plot-bunny having burrowed itself in my brain, voila! 'Practice Makes Perfect' was born.  
_

_I hope you enjoyed that as much as I enjoyed writing it. ;)  
_


End file.
